Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Figuring Out My Place In Time And Space: Surviving The First Wedding After Your Divorce

It was bound to happen and it did. Fresh off a divorce and I you to attend my very first wedding since. 

For me, it was my baby brother's. Of course I love my brother to pieces. I am so proud of him: a Stanford Master's graduate in Engineering now working his dream job at Rouge Fitness. His new wife a lovely lady with a heart of love for him and a voice like a Disney princess.

That being said...let's get real, that doesn't mean that it wasn't hard to watch all of my family gather for an event that happened for me only nine years ago and ended last year. It is still fresh in my mind and a wedding just brings all of those feelings of failure to the surface.

I can't say that I was excited for the event. Though I wanted to be. My main feeling was...
*Dread.

Remember when I told you I had to skip out on my first San Diego Comic Con in 8 years? It was because of this wedding. I had known about it for over a year. And of course I was happy for them, but sometimes it is hard to see past your own mistakes and be happy for others. Though I tried my hardest to show that I was, and I began to feel it at times, but of unhappiness slipped through the cracks.

The event grew closer and closer and I wasn't sure if Ocean Eyes was going to be able to come with me. I dreaded that. I dreaded the cost now that I am on my own. The many new people I would have to meet and put on a happy face for. And the happiness and love that I remembered having on my wedding day that eventually faded.
*Gather a squad.

If it wasn't for Ocean Eyes, I wouldn't have made it through this event. He was able to come and helped me through it all. The bridal brunch, the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, the pre-wedding BBQ and of course all of the wedding day activities. He listened when I needed to talk, he snuggled when I felt a bit sad and he brought me wine just because. I also grew closer to my other baby brother and his sweet and funny girlfriend. We cannot wait to do some more double dates! My heart swelled with the love that came from my supportive family.
And guess what?! All those new people I had to meet? I fell in love with a few of them. Two in particular which are pictured above. They are both so sweet, kind, caring and funny humans, I cannot believe they are now family!

*Belief in the future.

I cannot say enough good things about Ocean Eyes. He impressed everyone in my family and the bride's with his kindness and humor. A family that was considerably bigger than my five! A situation I'm sure was difficult for an introvert, but he showed himself beautifully. I could feel myself falling more in love with him with each passing minute. My favorite moment of the entire trip was the two of us sitting in our crappy hotel bed, watching Jurassic World and eating some of the best Mexican food I've ever had from the restaurant connected to our Days Inn. Who would have guessed?!
*Drink lots of wine and eat a ton of cake.

It helps.

*Dance, dance, dance.

It also helps! By the reception the wine had kicked it, my Love was dancing with me, which I had never experienced before, and my belly was full of cake. Even when Ocean Eyes decided to take a dancing break {he is not a dancer} I still enjoyed dancing alone. I was full of hope in a future with him, I was happier than I'd ever been and everyone could see it on my face. But most importantly, I could feel it deep in my soul. My future feels brighter than ever before in love, friendships and career. It took this difficult weekend full of love filled events to see that I have a great love standing beside me in Ocean Eyes and a family that is happy to finally see it.

{I am forever Figuring Out My Place In Time And Space. Learn and grow with me by reading my other heart felt and often over sharing articles!}

2 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you're so happy with Spencer and that he was able to help you through this really difficult event! You survived! Way to be :D

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  2. Thank you babe! It was tough but I am happy I did it and was able to have him with me! xx

    ReplyDelete

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