Saturday, September 19, 2015

Figuring Out My Place In Time And Space: Solo Vaca

Things never work out the way that you want them to. But the Universe has a way of lining things up so perfectly that it cannot be denied. I planned out my last ten cups of coffee in my #100CupsOfCoffee series ending with the final cup on a Sunday. I ended up requesting that day off work and getting three off in a row instead.

Instead of being mad about loosing a day of work, I thought THIS is the time for my solo vaca. I found THE perfect Air B&B and booked it on the spot. I didn’t have to ask anyone. I didn’t have to tell anyone. I just did it. For me.

Sunday arrived and so did my 100th cup. I felt complete, I felt self satisfaction and I felt sad. I started my coffee journey without my ex and ended it without him. It was the first project I felt like I’ve ever completed in my life and I did it on my own. My creativity and lust for life has grown more in five months than it has in 32 years.
That last cup down I got in my car and didn’t look back. Santa Barbara called, I answered. I arrived at my perfect apartment that I cannot wait to emulate in the one I will one day call my own. I laid on the couch and stared out the window. I played my guitar. I just was.

Then my phone began to buzz. Four men, all of whom I have very different friendly relationship with, began texting me. The women in my life knew to leave me alone. The men, on some unknowing level, couldn’t help themselves. I’m proud to say I shut down those conversations quickly or ignored them completely. This entire “weekend” I began to train myself to not see men and suppress the deep desire to re-download Tinder. I might have let myself slip once…I am human after all…though I will partially blame it on the wine ;)
On the morning of my first full day, I packed up my backpack and just walked. Wherever I wanted, dancing and singing all the way. I found the best vintage shop and spent a good hour pursuing all of the amazing treasures it held. "Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves." This quote found me in that shop. What a gift words are.
I ended up near the water for a late lunch and as the rain poured down from the clouds above, I let a few tears fall down my checks. I struggle minute by minute with being single. I know I can do it, I am doing it, but I miss the companionship. I love love and I love life and having a best friend to share that with makes it even better. But crossing the finish line on this solo vaca feels like one of the biggest accomplishments of my life.

On this solo vaca I bought and wore things that made me feel pretty for myself. 
These four rings represent four places I’ve been in my life. 

The tear drop one I bought in Denver when I was contemplating divorce and didn’t want to keep myself from crying all the time about it. It is the only of the four rings that I wear on my left hand. It is the only one that I’ve found on this journey that will fit on my left hand. I think I’m going to keep it that way. 

The hexagon ring represents my year anniversary in LA. I never wanted to move to LA. But it is now my home. I love it more and more each day and discovering the many sides it has to offer.

The bronze feather ring I found at Cinemark. Cinemark was in my life ten years ago and it found me again when I needed it most. I still have two very close friends from the “good old days” and now I have a slew of them who’ve been with me from the very first day of my separation, wether they knew it or not. 

The last ring I bought here in Santa Barbara at my favorite shop Francesca’s. It is an M. For ME. MYSELF. Megan. 

Tears, hard work, confidence and love. Solo vaca is now my solo life adventure…until...

{I am forever Figuring Out My Place In Time And Space. Learn and grow with me by reading my other heart felt and often over sharing articles!}

25 comments:

  1. Such a great post, thanks for sharing I'm definitely feeling inspired by your journey to go and take my own break away from it all and figure out what I really want to do with my life completely on my own and without influence from anyone else xoxo

    Cateaclysmic

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  2. Just lovely ... Xoxo

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  3. Danielle KnappSeptember 19, 2015

    Sounds like this is just what you needed. I love taking solo walks and getting lost in the world around me - I always feel most myself during those moments.

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  4. *hugs* Oh Megan! I love this post so much. You're such an inspiration!

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  5. You're awesome. Keep your chin up. Its a beautiful thing to do things for yourself - its hard to get to a place where we realize that it is OKAY to practice self love and give yourself the time you need to relax and grow. Love this post!

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  6. Your such an amazing woman! Many people hate doing solo anything, yet alone a vacation and here you are taking time for yourself and enjoying it. It's okay to cry, and miss companionship. It's a big adjustment. <3

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  7. I've recently discovered the amazingness of solo travel. It's so good for my soul and refreshes me in a way nothing else can (even though when I'm about to leave I have to cry. Every. Single. Time. That gets the anxiety out). I'm so glad I found your blog thanks to Fangirls Guide to the Galaxy by Sam Maggs. I'll definitely read it often

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  8. Fran thank you for checking out the site! I love Sam and really appreciate you taking time to read my posts. I did have a cry too, but not until I got home :) xx

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  9. Desiree, thank you so much wonderful lady friend! xx

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  10. Thank you so much! It is defiantly a process. Thank you for the love! xx

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  11. Thank you so much B love you girl! xx

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  12. Danielle, that is exactly how I felt. Thank you! xx

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  13. Thank you Syl, LOVE YOU! xx

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  14. Enjoying your own company is such an amazing thing to accomplish. You are going to be just fine, kiddo. <3

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  15. Of course! We have to lift each other up! <3

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  16. I'm in a similar situation having just become single myself, and as much as I know I need me time, I can't help but long for companionship every now and again. You are doing such an amazing job at looking after yourself, and I am so proud of you. You're truly an inspiration. I just hope I can be as strong as you in time <3

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  17. Solo travel has always scared me...I'm such a shy person, and potentially being forced to interact with people is a frightening idea. But it's something I absolutely want to try, just to prove that YES I can do this!

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  18. Megan, I love this post so much and I reading about your journey ♥ Being alone is really rough, but since becoming single I've learned to value my me time even more and I'm so happy to see you embracing that! Hell, you took a damn solo vacation and that's amazing. Teat yo self, girl!

    PS: Those fries and crab cake looking thing look hella delicious **foaming at the mouth**

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  19. Nina, thank you so much love! I LOVE YOU and I'm happy we can lean on each other! If YOU need anything just call or text! xx

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  20. Kay, you defo can not interact with people. It's not too difficult. But I enjoy that aspect of it as well. Have grown to enjoy it let's say! You can do it!! xx

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  21. Emma you are the best! Thank you so much and good luck on your journey! If YOU need anything, I'm here to chat! xx

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  22. Sounds like this was just what you needed. Being alone is tough but your not letting it stop you!

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