Monday, August 10, 2015

The Five Phase of Tinder

Throughout my entire love life journey, I’ve tired my very best to let what others think about me and my personal journey matter less and less. In the beginning it was horribly difficult and each day continues to be a struggle, but I’m finally beginning to find happiness and doing my very best to live in that self happiness. The days that I hold on to my positivity have been some of the best days of my life. Happiness is powerful.

It was two months after I decided to leave my husband…I also decided I was ready to begin dating for the first time ever.

My husband and I were eighteen when we started dating and were married at twenty-five. My entire adult life I was in a cocoon of comfort and ease. Once I popped that bubble, all the crazy feels I thought I had before moved in a direction I'd never navigated before + multiplied by one hundred.

Welcome to the crazy world of adult dating...
...the good, the bad and the ugly.

Introducing Tinder. I had heard about it, never really knew what it was, but I thought I would give it a shot. YOLO and all.

1. What the F*ck is Tinder? Tinder came out while I was still in my marriage. I always feel super old when these “cool” new apps come out and I have no idea what they are and everyone is talking about them {Snapchat I’m looking at you!}. After two months of moping and feeling sorry for myself I decided one particularly lonely night…what the hell, downloaded it, set up my profile and did my very first swipe.
2. Swipe-a-thon. I didn’t go into Tinder completely understanding what it was {apparently it is just a hook up app! #oops}. The gist of the app is see a photo, swipe left for NOPE and right for YES. The way I’ve always began to become attracted to people is never by their appearance. The more I get to know someone, that is when they become more attractive to me. So with just a picture to go on at first glance, if a person’s general look made me stop for a second, I moved on to their profile. Once there if we had things in common that is when I would swipe right.

After talking to MANY friends about Tinder, I found that my game was not usually the same for guys. The guy game…from what I've heard, is swipe right for ALL girls and hope for a match. Hence the reason Tinder is known as a hook up app. 
3. Ripping off the band aid. It didn't take long for me to be matched with a few guys. I am still super new to the dating game, so I never message a guy first. I always want someone to show interest in me and pursue me. I’m done being the pursuer. This means show an effort and so will I. I just had to make my first pick and rip off the first date band aid. EK!
4. 50 First Dates. Online dating has been very comfortable and normal for me. My life consists of blogging, social media and all other sorts of online activities, so why not dating? I love meeting and chatting with people regardless the sex, so I am never nervous when I go on a first date.

Through out my entire tenure on Tinder, I had maybe ONE weirdo. I was lucky enough to get a lot of normals who were engaging, original and complimentive. The dragon of self doubt was never full enough of the three things. So after fourteen years without any of these things, you can see how Tinder become a bit of an obsession for me.

Luckily my first date was a success and I got out of it exactly what I wanted. Since then I think I've been on about 20ish first dates.

What do I want out of a first date and how do you get to a second? I'll tell you!

  • Don't be nervous. We are adults. Let's have a good time! 
  • Be able to hold a conversation. Which if I didn't screen the profile properly, aka drunk swiping, it is probably my own fault we have nothing to talk about. 
  • Make me laugh. 
  • Pay for the first date. You are trying to impress me right? Do that and you could make it to round two and I will gladly pay! 
  • Last and most important, kiss me. I am a huge touchy/feely person and this is probably the main reason I'm out in the dating world again. I NEED physical touch. I thrive on it. A hand on my shoulder, a friendly hug or a kiss it is what I live for. Also we are 30+ years old guys, you can kiss on the first date!

5. Blocked & Deleted. Has anyone passed the first date test? A lucky few have. Even fewer have made it past three dates. 19 others have been laid to rest in my blocked number list.

So where am with Tinder three months after I downloaded it one desperate night?

I just deleted the app a few days ago and that is what sparked this article. My dating sprint wore me out {mentally and physically} and now it is time to chillax. I am focusing on my brand, diving head first into finishing up my novel and sending my resume out to every Social Media Manager position in L.A. I am also starting back at ballet!
I know my someone is out there...maybe I've already met him...maybe I haven't. All I know is that I want him to find me.

I also might have a few dating WTF stories...would you guys like to hear them?! TELL ME me YOUR Tinder/dating WTF stories in the comments below! Thank you for sticking by my side through all of my crazy adventures. I love sharing them with you. They and you are inspiring me every day.

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{I am forever Figuring Out My Place In Time And Space. Learn and grow with me by reading my other heart felt and often over sharing articles!}

37 comments:

  1. Dating. I don't even deal with it. LOL That's awesome that you managed 20 first dates though!

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  2. I tried the online dating thing many, many moons ago. It was a total bust (mind you, this was YEARS before TInder, which quite frankly, I've heard enough about to freak the poop out me). I have friends who met via Match.com, got married, and are still together 10 years on.


    Now that I have recently been "released into the wild", so to speak, this time 'round I'm going to wait for Fate to work her magic by focusing on the me-things (work, social networking, GETTING MY OWN PLACE, etc...pretty much what you're doing). It's worked in the past, here's to hope for the future! (Yes, I'm working on getting this down in writing, and will let you know as soon as I post!)

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  3. I agree with B. 20 first dates from Tinder makes you a much braver (and more socially competent) person than me.

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  4. B 20 was WAY more than enough...I'm good now! LOL xx

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  5. LOL thanks Kris...it was easy...but so over it now! xx

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  6. I tried POF, Match, and Eharmony. Dating when you are adult (& when you have kids) takes on a whole different life of its own. I never tried Tinder but I have to say that I did meet my fiance on Match. Give yourself some time. I went thru 2 years of bad dates, blocked numbers, gross picture requests, the guys that instantly want to marry you, and the guys that just want the hook ups before I met Jason. You'll find your special person. You just have to suffer thru some really awful dates in the meantime!

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  7. Oh man, online dating. I'm SO terrible at it! I usually reactivate my okcupid account when I need a reminder that I'm actually quite happy being alone. ;D Maybe one day I'll give it a real shot, but for now I'm with you - focusing on myself and letting the universe do its thing.

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  8. Yeah, I still don't get Snapchat haha. I had it for awhile, but deleted it!

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  9. Julio RamosAugust 10, 2015

    I am envious of your experience with it. Tinder does not like me so it has never produced a date for me.

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  10. Liz TailorAugust 10, 2015

    I never tried Tinder. It didn't seem very me. But thanks for sharing your journey!! It's not an easy thing sometimes. Keep putting yourself out there!! He will get the hint and come for ya!! ;)

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  11. I tried the online dating thing many, many moons ago. It was a total bust (mind you, this was YEARS before TInder, which quite frankly, I've heard enough about to freak the poop out me). I have friends who met via Match.com, got married, and are still together 10 years on.

    Now that I have recently been "released into the wild", so to speak, this time 'round I'm going to wait for Fate to work her magic by focusing on the me-things (work, social networking, GETTING MY OWN PLACE, etc...pretty much what you're doing). It's worked in the past, here's to hope for the future! (Yes, I'm working on getting this down in writing, and will let you know as soon as I post!)

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  12. That sounds great Meg! We can do it! xx

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  13. Liz you are the best! Tinder was just an easy fun experiment. Glad I did it, happy its done. xx

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  14. Sorry to hear that Julio. Not sure it is really the best place to find your sole mate! Good luck buddy! xx

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  15. Kay! HA! I have it...use it VERY sporadically. I'm an Insta girl! xx

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  16. Nichole, thank you for this! I knew it was going to be hard...and I've defo had some weird dates...but it will happen and I'm just gonna enjoy the ride! So happy for your match! xx

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  17. Julio RamosAugust 10, 2015

    Ha-ha it is definitely not the place to find your soulmate but I like to try different avenues of meeting people and hope somewhere I run into my future nerdy counterpart.

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  18. syllykay .August 10, 2015

    Thanks for sharing Megan - I love to hear your adventures - you write very colorfully - you make me laugh! I'm glad you gave it a try and learned a lot about what you don't want - I know you'll find your "someone" out there, but in the meantime, enjoy YOU!!

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  19. You're back to ballet?? Woo-HOO! It's so great to hear how hard yet healthy these past few months have been for you. I'm so glad you're finding happiness!

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  20. I didn't find "my person", but I've made some good friends at Tinder ;) everything has its benefits!

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  21. Going back for the first time to night Kendall, I'm so excited! Happiness is here...trying to stay positive! xx

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  22. Aw thanks Syl, that makes me so happy to hear! xx

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  23. Giiirrrl, you are BRAVE and you have such a positive attitude on this whole dating thing. I've been out of commission from a 2 year relationship for almost 2 years now, and you're bustin' out like it's no one's business! I had an OkCupid account while I was still an undergrad, but was never really into it because every time a guy messaged me it was like "so why would someone wanna date you?" WTF is this? A job interview?! I only met up with one person IRL from there, and he seemed cool, but then became aloof super fast. I'm a super affectionate person too and require cuddles and kisses, so there are days when I'm like "should I just re-activate my profile and to fulfill that need?"But then I'm like "naaaah, it's okay!" Thanks for sharing your Tinder experience with us! And you should totally write about your weird dates!! :D

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  24. Nina totally been there done that on the cuddle call! LOL I'm ready to let it ride now...got it all out of my system. WE can do this girlie! xx

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  25. I can't figure out Snapchat either?! I had the app for a few weeks but finally deleted because I couldn't get the hang of it lol. Thanks for sharing your story. You're so inspiring!

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  26. Thank you for sharing your story, Megan! You're so brave! I've been single for too many years and I never had first dates, since I've been in a relationship with my highschool bff since I was 17! I am an introvert, so my chance to meet new people are very few, but I am afraid of online dating, because I love my privacy, I am so picky with 'new' people, I am afraid of meeting weirdos and so on.

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  27. Alice, thank you for your words! It was nice to put myself out there and feel like an "adult" and date but its also nice...for now...to chill and let the universe do it's thing. Good luck to you and you can do anything! xx

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  28. Natalie, thank you so much that means a lot. And Snapchat is....?! LOL I have it still but hardly use it! xx

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  29. First off, great post! Its so good to hear stories like this, makes me feel like I;m not the only one. I found that online dating seemed simple and easy but I found it hard to get past the typing part and getting them to agree to meet up. I lasted a week on tinder before I got fed up. I tried a few sites, settled one, tried it out for a month - went one date - it was super awkward - then cancelled the subscription. I tried another site not long ago - much more success, dated two guys (different times), went on few dates, one terrible, one good - but ultimately I got bored. I have since cancelled that subscription. I will try again but right now, I feel there are others things I want to concentrate on. My prefered way to meet people is through friends but I find once leaving uni, everyone is in a couple and only knows couples. But I won't give up hope.

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  30. Hi Katie, thank you for sharing! I definitely feel like I'm better off trying to find someone in the real world for now. Maybe I'll go back. But I'm good right where I am now. Good luck to you and we will find our matches! xx

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  31. This probably sounds terrible, but almost straight out of uni working my first job, I realised that I wasn't going to find anyone doing what I was doing on the day-to-day. So I dove into online dating in my early twenties. It was exciting at first, then depressing thinking how long I'd been at it and wondering if it was actually working at all. SO many first dates. From all sorts of dating sites.


    I'm sort of an advocate for going halfsies on the first date - though it's fun to make the gesture and the guy just goes ahead and pays! I did experience some utterly terrible first dates though, and even then forced myself to go out on second dates with those guys!


    After a long time I was about to throw it all in and give up, buy some dogs and be the spinster woman with loads of dogs. BUT ... story has a happy ending! Of all places I found my SO on OkCupid. It has to be said, online dating is like a marathon, not a sprint. You've really got to keep at it and it is such hard work!

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  32. Jaina! Thank you so much for sharing your story! THERE IS HOPE! And I defo remind myself everyday of that fact. I know that the UK is different in the halfies thing which is totally cool :) I'm so happy you found your SO, I'm keeping one eye out :) xx

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  33. Excellent spirit, I believe we will too :)

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  34. Definitely, always hope! I think the halfsies thing depends on the people. I know some people in the UK just accept it and it's expected for the guy to pay. I'll tell you a secret - sometimes I let the guy pay! ;)

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  35. Another thing society has ingrained in us. I usually make the effort at least to look like I'm going to pay. Most guys really appreciate that and end up wanting to pay anyways. It is really sweet. Jaina if they want to pay let them pay! xx

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